‘Coming out’ is usually an expression that is used for people who are revealing to the world their particular gender direction. A woman or man telling their friends and family that they are gay. You know what – you can use that expression for Tarot also. ‘Coming out of the closet’ and telling the world about you and the Tarot cards. For some people they do not even blink an eye. For others, it can feel terrifying.
Recently my friend died. It was quite devastating for me – I loved this woman so much. I designed a Tarot card spread around my experience of the loss and it really helped me. One of the questions in the spread was. “Is there a message for me that she wants me to hear?”.
The message I got was profound and clear. I pulled out a card and it was The Fool but another fell out with it (as often happens) and it was The Hierophant. It was a powerful moment where I heard my friends voice in my head.
As I looked at the two Major Arcana cards a clear channeled message came from her– ‘Be 100% yourself Sinead and show yourself to the world for who you are and your passion. You will not know about the fullness of your life and its potential until you jump into the unknown’.
I sat with that for a moment.
It was obvious to me what my passion was.
My passion is promoting, reading and teaching Tarot, mysticism, ritual, women’s mysteries and feminine spirituality.
Yes, obviously I have been doing it because I have the website, ‘Tarot for Women’ but was I standing in that role fully and authentically? Was I really coming out of the closet?
No, I was not fully.
Let me back up a little and explain.
In the past my husband and I would host some of his work colleagues for dinner now and again. Over wine and debates on politics, their managerial roles and computer science I would be asked what I did for a living. I never mentioned Tarot. I mentioned everything else but Tarot. Why? Perhaps I was ashamed. Perhaps they would think I was a flake. So Tarot never got a mention – even though it was a massive part of my life.
Let me go back even further. I started reading Tarot when I was in my late teens after adventures with Tea Leaf Reading and divination with ordinary playing cards. I started reading professionally at the age of 21. Sometimes I read Tarot full time, sometimes part time alongside another job. But I never saw it as a profession – it was something I was doing to make money so I could get ‘real’ qualifications.
I studied Natural Medicine and gathered Certificates, Diplomas and a Degree and worked as a Natural Therapist with a big following for many years. I did not want to mix Tarot with my professional business as I am quite scientific minded and Tarot felt too flakey back then for me.
Imagine that – Tarot was my passion and I was very good at it yet I also thought it was flakey?
What was the message I was giving out to the universe?
Hey thanks for making me a great Tarot reader but I won’t go pro because – hey – its just too wacko!
So I had two business cards and two sets of work hours. Talk about confusing! If someone asked me to incorporate Tarot into their Homeopathic or Naturopathic session I would refuse. No, right now I am Sinead the Natural Therapist and the ‘Sinead’ that does Tarot is not in the room right now!
Talk about split personality!
Here I was hiding a massive part of who I was. I can walk into buildings and know if there are spirits around. I have prophetic dreams. I read Tarot and sometimes its pure channeling. Do I hide all that because I happen to also love reading the Lancet medical journal?
Fast forward to emigration and landing in a country where I did not speak the language and I found it impossible to continue my career at the time. Then out of the blue I heard about a government program. I applied and I got the grant. With the money I was able to build and promote a Tarot business website. Amazing as it was a dream come true but also terrifying at the same time.
I started to ask myself – So who am I now? What do I call myself? When people ask what I do, what should I say? Am I still a Natural Therapist but it’s just on hold right now. Am I a professional Tarot reader? Am I am online entrepreneur? Who the hell am I?
Coming back to the present…In the past week after my friends passing I have been doing a lot of thinking about her message via the Tarot cards. I have come to some realizations:
I have made more money from reading and teaching Tarot professionally than any other job or profession I have ever done.
I have helped thousands of people with my Tarot skills
I have taught hundreds of people Tarot and ignited a passion in them for Tarot
I have had ‘rational’ people seeking me out for Tarot readings. Scientists, doctors, politicians, medical researchers, computer technicians, electricians, and even a physicist have come to me for guidance. They took the Tarot readings seriously and often came back for more
If you asked me what I was 100% confident about I would say it is my Tarot skills
I am 100% on fire when I teach Tarot. You cannot help but get infected by my enthusiasm!
I feel most alive and connected when I live mystically and teach about the sacredness of life and the symbols in the cards.
So what is my friggen problem?
If the best of me is when I am doing the above, why cant I say to everyone that THIS IS WHAT I DO? Why do I happily tell some people and avoid the question of what I do with others?
So the message from my dear friend was perfect timing. It got me thinking hard and deep.
The realization of course is that I am not fully authentic about who I am. When I assume someone is rational and scientific I avoid the discussion around Tarot. Why? Fear of being judged. Not wanting to have a sticky conversation? Not wanting to defend what I am doing?
But really…I should not care! I should only care about being real with myself. I am being dishonest to myself and to others when I do not stand fully in what I do, and that is not how I want to live my life!
So back to today. I am listening to a Biddy Tarot Podcast 110 all about how Brigid ‘came out’ with the Tarot. She left a driven corporate career to dive into the world of Tarot and she has not looked back since. Yet still, she found it hard till recently to admit to certain people what she does for a living. It took her years to fully stand in her power and say, ‘This is who I am and I am proud of it’. It’s a great episode and I highly recommend it.
It was a good reminder that it is time for me to fully step into my role and not hide in certain situations and with certain people. Coming out in other words.
Each of us has a role and purpose in our lives. Often we think we may not be important enough to share our ideas, gifts and creativity with the world. As Marie Forleo likes to remind us, ‘The World needs that special gift that only you have’.
So, ponder on these questions and consider when you hide your love for Tarot from the world, why you do it. Why are you not coming out of the closet?
Do you have difficulty coming out about Tarot?
Do you joke about it or avoid conversations about it?
Do you make excuses about why you use the cards?
Are you proud of who you are and the skills you have with the Tarot cards?
Good questions to ask yourself…
So as I take on board this advice from my dear friend, I also say it to you…
Take your Tarot and decide that you are coming out of the closet. Swing those cards from your hips.
Show the world that its cool to be hanging out with the 78 cards in your pocket.